My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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