considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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