he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
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You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Still dying that you shit outside
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
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I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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