If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
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Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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