During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
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I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
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the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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