Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
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I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
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Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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