God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
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and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
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