i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
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It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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