Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud

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(330): So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud http://tfl.nu/jb23

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.

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(604): I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone. http://tfl.nu/1vtw

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(905): View more from Toronto

he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"

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(905): he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine" http://tfl.nu/dcrf

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning

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(603): i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning http://tfl.nu/3q6t

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(423): View more from Tennessee

headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home

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(423): headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home http://tfl.nu/dqj3

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.

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(814): It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble. http://tfl.nu/cvy5

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(503): View more from Oregon

My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf

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(503): My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf http://tfl.nu/5frw

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.

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(978): So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show. http://tfl.nu/9mds

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(925): View more from California

if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars

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(925): if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars http://tfl.nu/yl19

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(315): View more from New York

i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.

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(315): i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there. http://tfl.nu/6jl7

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(909): View more from California

Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?

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(909): Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy? http://tfl.nu/bd8h

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(951): View more from California

diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.

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(951): diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me. http://tfl.nu/ieik

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(660): View more from Missouri

People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic

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(660): People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic http://tfl.nu/zs06

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(563): View more from Iowa

I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.

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(563): I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud. http://tfl.nu/0vsx

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.

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(401): I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car. http://tfl.nu/oyb7

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