so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize