Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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