you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize