He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
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Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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