come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize