Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize