I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
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He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
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Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm both gender and math confused
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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