I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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