I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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