Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
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hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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