: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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