I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
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I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
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What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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