I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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