i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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