The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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