He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize