His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
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Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
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I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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