life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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