I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
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i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
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My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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