I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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