First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm getting married
To pizza
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize