So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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