is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize