i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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