my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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