dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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