I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
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Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
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Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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