Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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