I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
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so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
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It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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