I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
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I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
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I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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