Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
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I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
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Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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