What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize