so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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