it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
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She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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