I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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