he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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