She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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