Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize