just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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