Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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