i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
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We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
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So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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